In this post, I am going to get personal...how personal you ask? Well, I'm literally taking the words from my journal. Yes, my sacred journal that I don't allow anyone to read.
Yikes! That's personal! But I do so with a purpose. You see after going back and reading (I do that from time to time go back and read what I have written-bring great clarity and insight) how I struggled with my grief and how the decision to pursue this line of work was so challenging for me, I knew I had to share.
So here is my story and how I ended up becoming a grief coach...
Journal entry 5 July 2018:
Today marks the day I take action. I have dreamed, thought, reasoned, and debated back and forth, is grief coaching my calling? Do I want to do this? Is this something God has called me to do? The reason for the hesitation? Grief is hard! Especially when you are dealing with your grief. But if I am to be honest, I have been wrestling with this for quite some time. When I was completing my counselling degree I decided I wanted to study grief counselling, not sure why at the time. I then completed my internship for my degree at a trauma hospital, where I encountered grief daily. I'm told the best grief coaches are those that have experienced grief themselves. There's a certain level of understanding and empathy that comes from experiencing something first hand. And I'm there. After my father passed away, I can say I know what it is like to truly grieve for someone you love. Considering the aforementioned, it sounds like the perfect fit for me right?
YET!
The internal debating went on, "This doesn't make sense for me" and "No one will want this type of service or coaching". These are some of the thoughts resisting this move. I even mentioned my idea to a professional in the helping field and her response was in line with my thoughts. How many of you know that when God has called you to something even if it doesn't make sense to you or others, there's no stopping His plans. My struggle continued "Why go through the trouble of spending funds that I could use elsewhere and committing time and effort to do something not needed".
Yet! I can't shake the feeling, the thoughts, the constant calling. I see people's pain in their loss, I see hurt everywhere. So today, July 5, 2018, I am no longer running from this calling. I now embark on my certification program to become a grief coach. I am saying yes to the calling of helping people in their darkest hours. To walk alongside of those who can't imagine a day without streams of tears or days filled with hope and joy.
You see I want that for myself. On the outside, I look like I am doing just fine, but inside I am broken. I hurt.I miss my father so much that I shut the thoughts off. I can't reflect on the pain. To do so would mean a total breakdown for me. So I keep moving on as if nothing is wrong. Living with silent grief. Well, today I am breaking that silence. I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to hurt so badly I can't remember the one I love without the fear of having an emotional breakdown. There is hope for healing. I know that is part of why God has called me to do this journey. And if for nothing else I will pursue this with my whole heart because I know my father would want me whole, happy and moving forward.
Fast forward 2020...Hope's Dwelling is now a reality, offering those going through life's difficulties the option of support and hope!